Complex PTSDiaries: The Pit

Jen Jam
2 min readFeb 9, 2024

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Today is monumental for her.

A question answered.

They were not behind her.

They never were.

It was all for show.

She finally stood up.

The uncomfortable hole she dug for herself and remained for so long began to fill with courage.

A hole constructed with the idea of maintaining familial connections.

The same hole she was buried in to keep them comfortable.

Her feet pushed up on the loose rubble.

Her fingers almost touching the ledge above.

She let the family go.

It was time.

The hole continued to fill and her outstretched hands grasped onto that ledge as her feet struggled to maintain traction.

She was fully able to grasp what had been out of reach for decades.

Her arms folded onto solid ground for the first time in so long.

Her feet pushed into the sidewall to keep herself up

It feels so much like a heartbreak.

She doesn’t feel okay.

Her feet slip.

She starts to slide back down.

Yet, she feels lighter at the same time.

She uses her last bit of energy to pull the rest of her weight up and over the ledge.

They’re gone.

Her back falls to the earth and she stares at the sky.

Goodbye facade.

Goodbye to the deepest of pits.

She will be whole without them.

She IS whole.

It was time to let go.

And so she did.

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Jen Jam
Jen Jam

Written by Jen Jam

An introverted woman with an extroverted need to share my words. Topics: CSA Recovery, Complex PTSD, Law Enforcement PTSD, and whatever else my heart desires.

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